The BackSTaB Model

Early this year, I let slip my very ambitious, only half-serious stretch goal for 2024: I wanted to finish a first draft of the sequel to Spacewalker! Through the first half of the year, I was almost on track to do just that.

Now, as the year slips into its twilight, it is with supreme confidence that I am ready to declare that--

I will not meet this stretch goal.

It was always a longshot, and I don't regret broadcasting it out loud. I encountered my share of blocks since then, sometimes because of my personal hang-ups; other times, I was simply too busy with work to make meaningful progress. With a little self-reflection this week, I've come up with my own theory of writer's block -- the BackSTaB model.

My few successes and many shortcomings can be traced back to these two axes of Availability and Inspiration.

First, Inspiration. Did I have an outline? More importantly did I like the outline? Was I visualizing scenes in my head? Was I moved to get those scenes out of my head and onto the page?

Then there's Availability. Did I have the hours in the day? Or did I have the creative energy left over from other pursuits to write? Less frequent but worth mentioning: was I physically healthy enough or well-rested enough to accomplish anything?

The combinations of these two axes result in the four quadrants of BackSTaB:

• Spill - high availability, high inspiration - in May and June I was so eager to write that the ideas were spilling out of my mind and onto the page so beautifully. This is the sweet spot.
• Block - high availability, low inspiration - this was July after I wrapped up writing the midpoint chapters. I was burned out. My outline needed a second pass. I got some troubling feedback from my beta readers. These are the times that try writers' souls.
• Busy - low availability, low inspiration - this was some of August and September when one of my work projects caught fire (in a good way) with a high visibility demonstration. After long days of analyzing test results and filing TPS reports, there wasn't temporal space to get much done. This is a slower burning ache than the outright agony of the Block quadrant.
• Trickle - low availability, high inspiration - this is now, during Thanksgiving week. I've made some structural edits and my inspiration has rebounded tremendously, only for me to end up sick during my vacation time. I've got a nasty head cold, with sinus pressure so bad it feels as if one of my eyeballs will pop out of my head. Even still, I've made some good progress the last couple days!

It's interesting to consider that I can affect the factors influencing Inspiration somewhat. It's a product of planning, environment, and personal engagement--though there can be a fickle, psychological component as well. Availability, on the other hand is often subject to the whims of forces outside of my control. Case in point, I never get to choose when my work schedule picks up!

On the other side of this BackSTaB breakthrough, I hope I can be a little kinder to myself when the shadow of failure looms over my personal goals; foster a better headspace for when my inspiration wanes; forgive myself when I run out of healthy hours in the day.